Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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