alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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