It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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