There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
