There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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