So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
