if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
