Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
