"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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