I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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