I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
