dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
