What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
