how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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