these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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