I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
