yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
