i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
