I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects