from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I chose taco bell over sex...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.