I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.