She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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