guys are not supposed to queef...right?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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