She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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