she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize