i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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