I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
