1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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