We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
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I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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