You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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