I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Alive.
So much puke
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
