I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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