My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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