Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
