pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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