I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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