to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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