I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
