True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
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I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
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all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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