i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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