I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
