The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
