i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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