Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sext me about skeletons
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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