Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
