Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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