I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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