the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
