dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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