she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
