if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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