it was like eating out sand paper
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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